Culture Street

Books

Mr Darcy has had a racy makeover

On July 17, 2012

As Fifty Shades of Grey continues to sell in the millions, publishers are running to keep up with the ‘mummy porn’ trend.

The characters in Fifty Shades of Grey are said to be based on those in Twilight, but how are lovers of the classics going to feel about their beloved heroes, Mr Darcy and Mr Rochester, being turned into virile young men no longer able to abide by their author’s terms of abstinence.

Total E-Book Publishing is about to release their suitably titles Clandestine Classics, racy editions of the much-loved classics.

Claire Siemaszkiewicz, founder of Total-E-Bound Publishing, which is releasing the titles from July 30 in digital format, said: "We're not rewriting the classics. We're keeping the original prose and the author's voice. We're not changing any of that. But we want to enhance the novels by adding the 'missing' scenes for readers to enjoy."

Missing scenes? The Total E-Bound Publishing site describes the Classics Exposed as:
The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally. You didn’t really think that these much loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks did you?

You be the judge. Would Austen and Bronte have approved?

Extract from Pride and Prejudice

Elizabeth trailed kisses along his throat and neck until she reached his earlobe and took it between her teeth.
“Please take me,” she whispered. “I need it. I ache for it.”
Her words were met with only a grunt of approval by Darcy. He pulled back from her and checked their surroundings, partly to assure they were alone, but also to discover a hiding place for them that was away from the road. He took hold of Elizabeth’s hand and pulled her away from the lane to the trees beyond. They walked on for a short time until they came to a small clearing and without another word, he pulled her to the ground, laying her down on the grass and covering her body with his.

Extract from Jane Eyre

“I tell you I must go!” I retorted, roused to something like passion. “Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton?—a machine without feelings? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips, and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong!—I have as much soul as you,—and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh;—it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal,—as we are!”

“As we are!” repeated Mr Rochester—“so,” he added, enclosing me in his arms. Gathering me to his breast, pressing his lips on my lips very quickly: “so, Jane!”
“Yes, so, sir,” I rejoined: “and yet not so; for you are a married man—or as good as a married man, and wed to one inferior to you—to one with whom you have no sympathy—whom I do not believe you truly love; for I have seen and heard you sneer at her. I would scorn such a union: therefore I am better than you—let me go!” I could endure no more; not his touch; not his words; not the past; not the unbearable, barren future! More passionately I enjoin him again, “Let me go!”

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